There is simply no way around it, anal sex is a super fascinating topic. In current modern sexuality, anal is a sort of symbolic bridge. A bridge between “traditional sex” and something more taboo. According to statistics from National Center for Health, 38,5% of men and 32,6% (2015-2017) of women had practiced anal sex with a member of the opposite sex. These numbers show that anal does indeed hit a sweet spot. It is not practiced by most, yet the act is still quite common.
But, enough about the numbers. What we are interested in, is why should you have anal sex? Well, the answer is rather simple. Because it is freaking awesome! Yes, if done right, anal sex is an intense joyride. Both for the man and the woman.
For the man, penetrating an anus feels super tight and stimulating. It is an unforgettable sensation that is hard to describe. Let me just put it this way, you cannot recreate this feeling with your hand, a cheap sex toy, or even a cheap doll for that matter.
For women, the story is pretty much the same. The sensation is simply super stimulating. The anus IS an erogenous zone filled with loads of nerve endings. Throw in the fact that anal is still commonly thought of as taboo. And, there you have it, the makings of a very special sexual experience. It is no wonder, then, that so many women fantasize about scenarios involving a dominant handsome stranger’s warm penis up their anus.
But, let’s be clear on one thing. Anal sex is not something that you can just decide to start having. You need to have the right partner, the right mindset, and the right products.
This is why we have put together a step-by-step guide to having anal sex for the first time. Yes, there are already loads of articles online about the subject. But, most of them are unfortunately somewhat off. They are too focused on advertising and wishful thinking.
If you want to have anal sex successfully, you pretty much need to forget everything mass media has taught you about anal sex. Anal requires communication, time, and correct products. But, if you do the research and put in the effort as a couple, the payoff is immense. You will see that anal sex is one of the most intensely stimulating acts out there.
Without further ado, allow me to present our no-nonsense guide to anal for both men and women.
NB: This guide is originally intended for heterosexual couples, but the rules generally apply for same-sex partnerships as well.
Step 1: Trust and Communication
The first and also by far the most important part of the process. To succeed at anal sex, you need to trust your partner 100%. This goes for both the man and the woman. Oh, and just to clarify, anal and hookup-culture do not go together. Sorry to burst your bubble.
You will not be having anal after a wild club-night or a successful Tinder date. This is just the reality of things. Anal is an act that requires a committed relationship for it to work out. So, step 1.1, have a partner that you trust.
That leads us to the next step. How do you bring up the topic with your partner?
Well, as long as you are a reasonable human being and have a partner you trust, you should be fine. Just ask your partner whether anal sex is something they would be willing to experiment with. And, under no circumstances, do not be pushy or get hurt if the answer is a no. Some people are just not into anal play of any kind, and this is 100% fine. There are plenty of other ways of spicing up the sex life of a couple.
Adrien: “As much as I love the idea of anal with the perfect stranger, this is just not going to happen. In real life, sexual compatibility is not always easy to come by. And, total sexual compatibility is a must for anal to even be an option.”
Elizabeth: “Yes, I had an occasional one-night fling or two before my current long-term relationship. But, the idea of experimenting with something like anal never even occurred to me during a one-nighter. Anal play is out of the question if I am not in a loving, trustful long-term relationship.”
Step 2: Environment and Timing
This step is overlooked in almost all the anal-related articles and how-to guides. Yet, it is as important as having the right products and a willing partner. Get this part wrong and things WILL go south. But, what do we mean by environment and timing?
Well, the atmosphere must be super chill and relaxed. Make sure that you have all the time in the world. Just the two of you. Kids, pets, and roommates should preferably be out of the premises. Also, try to plan your anal-detour to take place on a weekend. Work-related thoughts and butt-play do not go together. At all. Perhaps you can also have a bath together and enjoy a good glass of wine. Oh, and now is a good time to mention that overdoing it with alcohol is not a good idea. A drink or two should be fine as it will help the two of you relax and feel close to each other. But, dulling your senses completely will guarantee that your anal- rendezvous will not succeed.
Yes, I already hear you asking. Are all these details important? Yes, they are. Especially for women. If you have experiences with ladies, you know that the brain is by far the most sexual organ in a woman’s body. Having anal sex is just not going to happen if the female partner is not feeling turned on. No matter how slow you go or how good of a lube you use. Mindset is the very foundation of successful anal play.
Adrien: “Sometimes, a quickie is super relaxing before or after a tough day at work. Anal and quickies unfortunately do not go together. At all.”
Elizabeth: “By now, I absolutely love anal every now and then. However, despite being familiar with the joys of anal, the act still requires commitment. If I am thinking about chores or that annoying sales meeting, sticking something up my rear is not going to happen.”
Step 3: Hygiene
Hygiene tends to be a sort of “elephant in the room” when it comes to anal. However, it shouldn’t be. Getting properly clean is just another part of the process. And, good news! Cleaning up for anal is actually more simple than most so-called experts claim. Enemas are not necessary. In fact, they do more harm than good. No one loves potential bowel injuries or rectal tissue tearings.
The anus can easily be cleaned with plain old water and soap. For extra cleanliness, you can also try slightly inserting the tip of the soap and also cleaning a bit from the inside. A bidet is another solid option for ensuring a squeaky-clean anus.
Oh, one more thing. Even if you do everything perfectly, accidents still might happen. Most likely, everything will be fine. But, just in case, you need to be ready for an off-chance of a poop-bit or a slight smell. Women, know that this is fine and you should never be embarrassed about being human. Men, know that this does not mean that your girl did not know how to prepare.
Ideally, you will have a laugh about the situation and clean off. Maybe even go for something more traditional if you are still up for a little action. Just make sure not to go from the anus to the vagina without cleaning the important areas first. Otherwise, you are just setting yourselves up for various infections.
Adrien: “Me and my wife have never had unexpected experiences with anal. However, we are all humans, stuff might happen. Man up, laugh it off, try again next time. It’s not like you haven’t seen or smelled poop before.”
Elizabeth: “Being afraid of making a mess was the one thing that held me back from trying anal for a long time. As women, we put so much effort into looking and smelling our best. So, it is only natural that we do not want to mess everything up, even if the idea of having anal seems exciting. Do not worry, though. As long as your bowels are empty and you are clean down there, it will be smooth sailing.”
Step 4: Solo Preparation
The brave ones can skip this step. But, trust me on this, getting comfortable with solo anal play is helpful. Both physically and mentally. You can test out the sizes, paces, and depths you are comfortable with. And, if even repeated sessions have zero pleasure-returns, then maybe anal is not for you at all.
But, how does one start a very first solo anal-adventure? Simple. Beads and lube! Yes, you heard it right. While dildos and fingers get more hype, anal beads are by far the most beginner-friendly sex toys to get comfortable with anal sex. Beads are a super solid choice because they start small and gradually go bigger. This is perfect for finding out which size level is the most pleasuring to you and if your partner’s penis “fits the criteria”. If this is your first-ever venture into anal play, I would suggest two budget-friendly sex products from Lovehoney.
The Sliquid Organics Natural Lubricant ($19.99) would be our lube of choice. It is skin-friendly, water-based, and entirely cruelty-free, and vegan. Plus, it is the most natural-feeling lube out there. A carbon copy of the natural lubrication of a woman, supreme stuff.
In the bead-department, your best beginner-friendly choice would be the Lovehoney Classic Silicone Anal Beads ($16.99). The smallest bead on “The Classic” is even smaller than an average finger. An ideal product to start slow and small and see how you react to the anal sensations. Spoiler alert, you’ll love it.
Oh, and make sure to lube up both the beads and your anus. And, use plenty of lube. Remember, the slippier the slope, the better the ride! Have fun!
Adrien: “If anal is something you are interested in, encourage your partner to experiment solo first. She will be much more comfortable with the possibility of anal after getting to know her own pleasures and limits. Oh, and solo anal play is not limited to females and gay crowd. Prostate milking is real, gentlemen! And, it is freaking awesome.”
Elizabeth: “Purchasing my first set of beads was a game-changer for me. I was afraid of even sticking a pinky up there, but starter-level anal beads felt super safe to try. And, to my surprise, it was love at the first bubble. Try it out, ladies!”
Step 5: Skin on Skin
You have a consenting, respecting partner. You also have the right gear, the mindset, and a perfectly relaxed atmosphere. Ideally, you also have practiced solo anal play with the anal beads we recommended. The homework is done, now is the time to get things heated and try out anal intercourse for the first time!
Don’t worry, I will run you through the process. Just follow these suggestions with your partner and you will maximize the chances of supreme pleasure. Even if you have never had anal before. First things first. Foreplay! Foreplay! Foreplay!
Your woman needs to be totally crazy for your D, both physically and mentally. And, from there, more foreplay! Go for a super drawn out foreplay and perhaps even have traditional intercourse or oral sex before anal. Oh, the girl already came? Even better. An orgasm actually helps relax the rectal muscles of the girl, making anal that much easier. Now that you are ready for that blissful first anal contact, lube up generously. And, by generously, I really mean it.
Go crazy with the lube, you have nothing to lose. And, a quick reminder, both the penis and the anus should be lubricated before entry. Position wise, I would suggest going for the good old spooning. For first-timers, it tends to be the most comforting and sensual of positions for anal. Slowly enter the tip of the penis and immediately start reading the body of your partner. Did she flinch? Does she seem comfortable?
But, do not rely only on hunches, ask for feedback at all times! Stay in this position for a couple of minutes, even if the new experience of tightness excites you to the max. All good things come to those who wait! Once you both feel settled on the tip, you can try to go a bit deeper. And, as always, communicate, communicate, communicate! If everything is going swell, you can try to get a steady rhythm going. Slow and shallow at first. If everything is still pleasurable for both of you, experiment with various depths and speeds.
Pro-tip, once you have a steady rhythm and you are both getting in the heat of things, add clitoral stimulation to the mix. The combo of good old clit-stim with the exciting new sensation of anal can lead to a mindblowing orgasm for her.
Adrien: “My first experience with anal was like losing my virginity all over again. So tight, so stimulating, so warm! To be honest, I found it hard to last more than two minutes after getting into a steady rhythm.”
Elizabeth: “By the time we got to having actual anal intercourse for the first time, I had already come from my husband giving me world-class tongue treatment. The O made me feel even more relaxed than I already was. So, the experience of first rear-entry was actually super pleasant and stimulating in a whole new way. Yes, I was already a huge fan of the beads. But, the experience of a warm, familiar member entering me from behind was something else entirely. Super hot!”
Hopefully, this article will aid many first-timers in their anal-adventures. As long as you follow all the steps and have the right mindset, you will do just fine.