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Disclaimer: Consent is always key. Every bedroom idea here needs to be clearly communicated and greenlighted with your partner.
Not to go into cliches, but I suspect nearly everyone out there wants to get in touch with their dominant side on the occasion. Doesn’t matter where you lean in terms of sexual orientation…having a dominant aspect is something we all crave from time to time.
Now, while the Manosphere and the “50 Shades of Grey” are still somewhat of a thing in 2025…they are not all that helpful for getting started.
Most of “advice” from mainstream media doesn’t take into account the many issues real life couples face in the bedroom.
The personality types are different, the backgrounds of the people can vary greatly, and there are a million other aspects that can affect how dominant we are in a given situation of our lives.
Now, the good news is – natural dominance in the bedroom can be learned. Regardless of who you are, how sexually experienced you are, and what your orientation is.
Now, before we start – this post comes from the perspective of a straight penis-owner. I got a few tips from our penis-owning gay writer as well, but most of this comes from a boring straight male.
We will publish a similar guide for vulva-owners as well so no worries there. And, I think that the vula-owning folk will find this article useful too, but just know that most of this will be geared towards the penis-owning folk.
Oh, and how does this relate to sex toys? Well, as you’ll soon see, sex toys are a great way to enhance your natural dominance in the bedroom. Yet, they are still somehow so damn underlooked. We’ll try to fix that!
So, without further ado, let’s jump right in and see how you can start building up that natural, masculine dominance of yours.
Here’s what you’ll find in this article:
• How to Get Into the Dominant Mindset
• 3 Beginner-Friendly Dominant Techniques
• 4 Sex Toy Ideas for Bedroom Dominance
How to Get Into the Dominant Mindset
Let’s bust a major myth right away: sexual dominance doesn’t magically switch on when the bedroom door closes. This is where a lot of men go wrong.
If you have carried a vibe of a wet towel throughout the day and suddenly try to take on some kind of Don Draper type of a personality when you and your partner head to bed…well, let’s just say that you are going to be a Hollywood level actor to pull this off.
It simply won’t work and chances are that you are, in fact, going to turn off your partner and have the opposite effect to what you were going for.
True dominance starts long before the clothes come off. It’s about how you carry yourself, how you communicate, and how grounded you are in yourself. It is about true confidence instead of bravado.
Here’s how to start building that dominant presence in everyday life:
1. Own Your Decisions
Being dominant doesn’t mean controlling everything. What it does mean is being decisive in your daily dealings. Practice making clear, confident choices instead of defaulting to “I don’t know, whatever you want” all the time.
Whether it’s picking a restaurant, planning a date, or choosing a movie—just decide. Being the one who leads with confidence (without steamrolling) naturally builds trust and sets a tone of leadership.
Tip: Start small. Next time your partner asks, “What do you want to eat?” give a firm answer. You can always adjust based on their reaction, but don’t default to passivity.
2. Speak with Purpose
Dominant people don’t need to talk constantly, but when they do, their words carry weight. You don’t need a deep voice or flashy language. The tried-and-true classic here is simply slightly slowing down how fast you speak. Ever so slightly.
It will quickly become the new norm for you. Oh, and remember, this change should be subtle – if you start playing some kind of version of Thomas Shelby from Peaky Blinders…well, chances are that you won’t pull it off well. As always, play with who you already are instead of poorly imitating Hollywood figures.
Tip: Practice eliminating filler words (“like,” “um,” “I guess”) when you talk and slightly slow your speech patterns.
3. Develop Calm Authority
Emotional self-regulation is a huge part of dominance. And, with most of us dealing with a million things at once, it can also be a super difficult one to develop. Great emotional self-regulation is key though. You want to be grounded in your day-to-day dealings.
Entire books have been written on how to stay grounded, but mindfulness is a keyword you will want to start with if you are struggling with emotional self-regulation. No need for fancy retreats, expensive online courses, and the like.
Use free resources like YouTube and learn the basic ideas of mindfulness. It is a super simple, clinically-proven way to better your mental health and a more authoritative yet gentle version of yourself.
Tip: When you feel tension rising, slow your breathing. Inhale deeply through the nose, exhale slowly through the mouth. Conscious breathing is one of the foundations of mindfulness practice and can have an instant positive impact on your stress level and overall energy.
4. Lead Through Intention, Not Ego
Every decision you make in the relationship – whether it’s in bed or out – should come from a place of intent, not insecurity. Dominance isn’t about “winning” or asserting superiority over your partner. It’s about creating a space where your partner feels safe to emotionally and physically surrender to you.
As we already established, that kind of dynamic starts way before the seuxally explicit stuff.
Tip: Be the one who brings up important, potentially difficult conversations. Most couples have their dark spots where neither party really wants to tackle an important issue. Whether it’s about mundane stuff like money or career…or something more emotional like poor boundaries and differing life goals. Be the one to start bringing this stuff to the table. Not to rock the boat out of some stupid principle, but to steer the relationship in a better, more honest direction.
5. Set Respectful Boundaries
You can’t lead if you have no sense of your own limits. Dominant people have clear boundaries. Saying “no” when something doesn’t work for you is a massive show of inner strength.
Tip: Practice saying “No, that doesn’t work for me” without justifying it. You don’t need a five-minute explanation. A clear, respectful refusal is often more powerful than a passive “maybe.” You will occasionally piss off your partner if you are new to this, but if you come from a genuine place then your relationship will only improve when you learn exactly where your limits are and where you simply won’t be able to compromise.
Obviously, building confidence is something that is impossible to cover in such a short manner.
However, the aforementioned 5 ideas are a very good starting point for most men.
Slowly incorporate them into your daily life and see just how quickly your inner confidence levels will start improving.
3 Beginner-Friendly Dominant Techniques
Once you have already managed to become slightly more dominant and assertive in your daily dealings and are generally satisfied with your natural confidence levels, you can slowly start incorporating that mindset in your bedroom dealings as well.
Once again, start small and quiet, but still be decisive. Oh, and even if things go slightly wrong and feel weird at first, don’t fret. Have a laugh about it and keep cultivating the right mindset. Eventually, a more dominant approach will be second nature to you.
That said, here are some ideas that you can experiment with in the bedroom:
Experiment With Low-Level Restraining
Incorporate some very subtle edging elements to your regular foreplay routine. The kissing and caressing and building up the tension should be there as per usual, but don’t let your partner be as free as they usually are.
A great example here would be where you simply won’t let their hands roam as freely as they usually do. Say something like “not yet” and hold their hands back with one of your hands while the other hand does its thing on their body.
Be Assertive in Your Talk
This doesn’t have to be about dirty talk as dirty talk can often veer towards the ridiculous. Particularly when you are new to sexual dominance. However, some low-key intense language is pretty simple to pull off.
Play with your own desire, but be assertive about it. Stuff like “damn, I want you so bad right now”, “this feels amazing”, “you are being amazing tonight” all sound amazing, assertive, and intense. Let them know that you are simply NOT able to resist them at this moment.
Experiment with Orgasm Denial
This is the last concrete tip for now. And, this one is a bit more hardcore. Experiment with letting things steam a bit longer than usual. Whether you are stimulating the partner with a toy or via penetration…don’t let them come immediately.
Tell them that “not yet, I want to keep this going for a while” or something similar. Sentences like this carry a level of dominance and assertion WITHOUT being over-the-top and not applicable in real life.
Oh, and if orgasm denial and ejaculation control are something you will want to explore when masturbating (it’s worth it!) then stamina training toys and gooning toys are worth checking out.
4 Sex Toy Ideas for Bedroom Dominance
Since we are a sex toy blog and toys are a wonderful way to up the dominance levels a bit then allow us to introduce you to some ideas of toy categories that play well with establishing dominance in the bedroom:
1. Wrist & Ankle Restraints
You don’t need a dungeon or a full-blown BDSM outfit to try restraint. A simple set of adjustable cuffs can help you establish control without going too far. Holding your partner in place changes the dynamic. Oh, and this option is also the cheapest one here.
Use Tip: Combine with eye contact and some low, calm instructions. Even “stay still for me” goes a long way in building a dominant vibe.
Toy of Choice: Bondage Boutique Soft Bondage Rope Restraints
2. Vibrating Wands
Magic wands are some of my partner’s favorite toys. Not only are they beginner-friendly and versatile as hell, but they also LOOK fitting with their phallic and slightly intimidating energy. In addition, some wands like the Domi 2 wand (our full review here) even allow you to contact the vibrations and settings remotely via an app.
Use Tip: Tease with the wand on low settings, dial up the intensity slowly, then pull away before climax. You’re training both your partner and yourself to delay gratification – a hallmark of confident dominance.
Toy of Choice: The Domi 2 wand from Lovense
3. Blindfolds
Sensory deprivation is one of the simplest but most effective ways to heighten arousal and amplify control. No matter how long you folks have been together, being physically restrained or deprived of sight is something that will always have an energy of newness and intensity to it.
Use Tip: Pair with slow, deliberate movements. Touch different parts of their body lightly or whisper unexpected things in their ear. You’re the one directing the experience and feeding the suspense.
Toy of Choice: Lovehoney Satin Blindfold
4. Vibrating Panties and Other Long-Distance Toys
Vibrating panties and other types of long-distance vibrators that can be worn for stimulating the vulva and controlled remotely are a WONDERFUL way of establishing dominance without you two being physically in the same location. Simply ideal for teasing and building up the tension.
Use Tip: Have your partner wear vibrating panties while they are running their daily errands. Play with different toy intensities at random intervals while also adding some nice “I can’t wait to see you tonight” style texts.
Toy of Choice: Lovense Ferri panty vibrator
There are obviously more great toy categories out there that play well with dominance. Since dominance is mainly about the mindset, virtually any sex toy can be used to up your assertiveness game in the bedroom. Vibrating butt plugs, large dildos, monster dildos, squirting toys….you name it. Everything is game as long as there’s consent and you are serious about upping up the ante of your dominance game in the bedroom.
Finishing Words
Sexual dominance and assertiveness are topics that could fill entire tomes. However, we don’t have that much time. The ideas I listed are as beginner-friendly and down-to-earth as they get. This type of stuff can be used by everyone. Regardless of personality type and your previous experience.
Keep in mind that this is the type of stuff you can build on. Once you and your partner get comfortable with your newly-found bedroom assertiveness, you can start to explore some of the more intense angles of this world.
Whatever you end up doing, I wish you all the best. I sincerely think that sexual confidence is something that anyone deserves. Sexuality is super intimate. Manage to be confident there and you will strive outside the bedroom as well.
Good luck, gentlemen!
