Sexual intimacy is an essential part of romantic relationships. This is just how it is – asexuality is quite rare in real life and if you are in a romantic relationship then sooner or later sexuality will be something you will deal with.
Sexuality is also a common source of struggle for many couples. Too much sex? Too little? Different tastes? It is getting a bit boring? The aforementioned problems are all too common for so many of us.
Regardless of the issue at hand, sex toys can often solve a lot of these issues. A bold statement, but from my experience, it is absolutely true. Sex toys can be a sort of additional, supportive player to whatever the couple is up to in the bedroom.
They never judge, they never take sides, and they are also designed for one thing only – to bring as much pleasure to the table as possible.
What could be better than a bedroom-teammate like this?
It is not all sunshine and rainbows though – the truth is that the very first hurdle to using sex toys is the very start.
Sure, sex toys are getting more popular with each passing day, but there is still some lingering stigma there.
Particularly if you have a completely new partner. Or, alternatively, if you are in a somewhat rigid relationship where bringing something new to the table can completely rock up the dynamic.
For all of the reasons listed above, I decided to put together a little how-to guide for people looking to introduce sex toys to their bedrooms. I’ll try to cover as many bases as possible – from some common do’s and don’ts all the way to which toys to start with and how to get experimenting with them.
In this guide, find:
• 4 Key Benefits of Using Sex Toys in Relationships
• Do’s and Don’ts for Introducing Sex Toys into Your Relationship
• 5 Best Types of Sex Toys to Introduce to the Bedroom
4 Key Benefits of Using Sex Toys in Relationships
Before diving into the guidelines, let’s take a look at some of the essential advantages associated with using a toy in the bedroom. Think of these if you’re on the fence about whether you should even give talking about toys a try:
• Enhanced Pleasure: As we already mentioned, sex toys are designed strictly for pleasure. As such, they can stimulate you in ways that are not possible via traditional sex positions or even your hands.
• Improved Communication: Look, introducing sex toys to your bedroom is not simple. Especially if you happen to have a more conservative background and are not used to having these types of talks. On a more positive note, actually breaking through the discomfort and having these talks can lead to enhanced communication between you two. It will help you to have other tough conversations too. This will obviously bring you guys closer together in other areas too – even ones not associated with sexuality. In a nutshell – talking about sex toys can help you talk about other stuff too.
• Bridging Physical Differences: Pressure is one of the main killers of all sexuality. Always has been and always will be. And, what could be more pressuring than a situation when two partners have completely different levels of sexual drive? A solution here is for one partner to use toys. Or even have the other partner use toys on them. The sexual needs of the more “hungry” partner will be dealt with and the other one will not have to feel pressured.
• Rekindling Passion: Once you get past the initial discomfort of talking about toys and using them, this stuff is a lot of fun. And weird. In a very good way. In a relationship that has become a bit stale, these kinds of positive emotions can help you guys break the stagnation and rekindle your passion.
So, how does it look? Seems like having the talk is a good idea? If so, keep reading.
The following is a sort-of guide on getting started. I used a do’s and don’t format that will help you know what to avoid and what not to avoid when approaching the topic.
I know that all people are completely different and have different backgrounds, but some general rules of psychology apply for nearly everyone. For instance, the pressuring is a good example again – pressuring people into things is never a good idea.
But, I don’t want to get too ahead of myself so let’s just get started.
Do’s and Don’ts for Introducing Sex Toys into Your Relationship
DO: Start with an Open Conversation
Do begin by discussing the idea with your partner openly and honestly. This conversation should be completely non-judgmental, allowing both partners to express their thoughts and feelings. Make sure to use “I” statements, like “I’ve been curious about trying something new together”…you can even lie a little and make something up.
An example here is something like “I saw something funny on Netflix where someone used a sex toy and had loads of fun”. The key here is to be somewhat vague and just plant the idea in your partner’s head. You can also get a quick assessment of their first reactions and go from there.
The key is to make it clear that your intention is to enhance your shared experience, not replace or criticize what you already enjoy together. And, the best way of doing so is not mentioning your own sex life at all and using the aforementioned vague statements.
DON’T: Spring It on Your Partner
Don’t surprise your partner with a sex toy out of the blue, especially if it’s a topic you haven’t discussed before. While you have already decided that it is a good idea to bring some toys to the bedroom, it can be completely shocking for your partner. You need to give them time to get comfortable with the idea. And, randomly showing up with a massive monster dildo out-of-the-blue may be shocking to your significant other. The result? They will close up and you will have a much harder time going further.
This also leads us to another crucial don’t:
Don’t assume that your partner will automatically be comfortable with your idea. They may have a completely different view of sex toys in general. If their first reaction is negative, don’t give up on the entire thing. Maybe they react negatively or weirdly at first, but they may have a completely different take once the idea is out there and they have had some time to get used to it.
DO: Start Small
Do consider starting with smaller, more basic toys. Here, you’re gonna have to compromise a bit – let’s say you have a wild tentacle dildo fantasy. More power to you and, well, wild sex toys can be pretty awesome – however, if you are completely new to using sex toys in the bedroom then perhaps it would be a good idea to start with more tame, “vanilla” stuff. I will be giving some more concrete suggestions for both vulva owners and penis owners later on in this article. For now though – know that small and non-intimidating is the way to go at first.
DON’T: Push Beyond Comfort Levels
Don’t pressure your partner into using a toy they are not comfortable with. Again, you may want to go for it with some super intense, out-there stuff…but this does not mean that your partner has to be into it. If you still persist and insist on doing things YOUR WAY then eventually resentment will start to fester. And, from there, things can go down quickly.
In addition, if things go completely awry and your partner will not like the first experiences then don’t make them feel inadequate or that they are missing out on something. Again, it needs to be emphasized that the door is never closed completely. Maybe they just need some time to get used to the idea!
Also – if one toy or even an entire toy category will not work, maybe something else will manage to do the trick.
DO: Focus on Mutual Pleasure
Do ensure that both participants are having fun and are in a positive headspace. This should come naturally if you follow the “do’s” listed adobe and avoid the red flags associated with sex toy first-timers.
DON’T: Overlook the Role of Mental Health and Past Traumas
Don’t disregard any past traumas or mental health concerns that might be triggered by introducing sex toys. For some individuals, sexual trauma from the past is an unfortunate reality. This is a game-changer and needs to be fully addressed before diving head-first into anything associated with sex toys and using them in the bedroom.
DO: Celebrate Exploration and Growth
Do appreciate the willingness of both partners to explore and try new things, even if some toys don’t become regular parts of your routine. You guys managed to break new ground and broke out of your old routines. This in itself will push things forward in terms of your mutual connection. What I am saying here is this – it is pretty much impossible to lose when it comes to introducing sex toys.
Do make time to reflect on how introducing toys has impacted your relationship. Look, in real life, many couples simply don’t have the time or the comfort level to have super deep conversations on their relationships. Still, make sure to at least know what you and your partner feel about the sex toy experience. Doesn’t matter how it went. The key here is to know how your partner felt about the experience.
Now, before we wrap this one up, we also have another elephant in the room – sex toys and the talks and everything are cool and all, but which types of toys are actually beginner-friendly enough for a first introduction to the bedroom?
In the next part, we will look at some of the sex toy categories suited for first-timers. This will help you choose the type of toy suited to what you are hoping to accomplish.
5 Best Types of Sex Toys to Introduce to the Bedroom
These days, there is a nearly endless number of different, fun sex toys one can try – from high-end VR masturbators all the way to luxury anal beads. The playing field is large, interesting, and often confusing.
As I already mentioned though, it is usually a good idea to start with some of the more simple stuff. Types of toys that feel pleasurable as hell, but are not associated with the more extreme ends of the sex toy world.
Here are some ideas:
Wand Vibrators
One of the most popular toy categories in the world works like a charm for spicing things up in the bedroom.
Wands are versatile – they can be used solo for heating one up before couple action. In addition, the best wands will work just as well during intercourse – the Domi 2, my personal favorite, works like a charm during missionary. As such, you will find it easy to accommodate the Domi or some other wand to what you are already doing in the bedroom.
Find Sex Toy Magazine’s selection of best magic wand vibrators here
Clit Vibrators
Let’s just say it how it is – clitoral stimulation is by far the most reliable way for a vulva-owner to reach orgasm. Sure, there are exceptions and all our bodies are different. Still though – for most women, the clit is where it’s at.
It is only natural, then, that clit vibrators are also one of the best picks for folks who are new to this yet want to try something out in the bedroom.
In addition to being completely focused on the clitoris, these types of vibrators have additional advantages too – mainly their size. Clit vibrators are cute, small, and non-intrusive. Exactly the types of toys that we want here.
Find Sex Toy Magazine’s selection of best clit vibrators here
All LELO toys
Emphasizing a single company may feel like cheating, but hear me out – LELO hits it out of the park when it comes to beginner-friendly toys. The design of their toys is pretty much the best-in-business. Many of their toys look more like pieces of art than your run-of-the-mill sex toys. This automatically makes the stuff very gift-friendly and non-intrusive.
Whether your partner is a vulva-owner or a penis-owner, they will not be offended by getting a LELO.
And, obviously, the LELO toys simply feel awesome too.
Find Sex Toy Magazine’s selection of best LELO vibrators here
Alternatively, feel free to check out Sex Toy Magazine’s selection of best LELO male toys
Long-distance sex toys
Long-distance sex toys are toys that can be controlled…you guessed it, from a long-distance. Usually via an app – you simply give a significant someone exclusive codes to your toy and they can control the intensities, speeds, and other settings of the toy from long distances.
What makes such toys such a great introductory pick for a bedroom? Well, for one, there is the no-pressure aspect. You can enjoy the action and get comfortable with the new toy without your partner even being in the same room! Once you get fully acquainted with your new toy, you can let your partner join in on the fun. Smooth!
When it comes to long-distance toys, Lovense is the best brand. Their toys are generally very good, and the technicalities are also handled very well. The Bluetooth connection handles everything you throw at it without any annoying interruptions and such. And yeah, this also makes long-distance toys an ideal pick for couples who have to spend a lot of time physically separated from each other.
Find Sex Toy Magazine’s picks for the best Lovense vibrators here
Alternatively, find Sex Toy Magazine’s picks for the best Lovense male toys here
As I already emphasized, I find it important to not overwhelm new sex toy aficionados with too much information. As such, I will deliberately skip some of the more out-there stuff for now. You have plenty of time to experiment with BDSM-influenced stuff, thrusting dildos, and sex machines once you learn to enjoy the basics.
Now, everything previously suggested leaned heavily towards vulva-owners. Don’t worry, we haven’t forgotten the men! And, while it is true that the market for sex toys for women encompasses a much bigger variety, there are some stunning toys out there for men too.
Which of these would be the best picks for getting started in the bedroom though? Male strokers.
Male strokers
Simply put, male strokers (or blowjob machines as they are sometimes called) are male masturbation toys that mimic the sensations of a mouth, anus, or a vagina. The toys feature various textures, nubs, ridges, and other details that further add to the sensation. Some of these toys are non-automatic and the stroking will have to be done manually. Fleshlights are arguably the most well-known examples here.
Meanwhile, other stroker-toys are completely automatic. You just enter your (or your partner’s) lovely member and let the toy do the stroking and sucking.
Why are such toys the best male picks for introducing toys to the bedroom? Well, most male strokers hit that perfect zone where they are slightly goofy (sincere, heartfelt humor is a splendid component of a bonding relationship!) yet they still do their job very, very well.
And, since we are not talking about something like a sex doll where one part of the relationship may get slightly jealous, there is nothing to worry about in terms of competition either.
Find Sex Toy Magazine’s picks for the best blowjob machines here
If at least one person manages to overcome the often complicated introduction of sex toys to the bedroom then I consider my job done.
I am sincerely glad that more and more couples are getting more open about toys and consider them allies instead of competition. Sure, the first talks can be difficult and the first few times may seem weird, but it is all worth it in the end.
And, as I mentioned several times before, you simply have nothing to lose. Simply put – relationships can only grow from this sort of experimentation.
The worst that could happen is that you folks will discover that you simply like old-fashioned sex without any extras. And this is completely fine too!
Good luck & remember to have loads of fun!
